Because today, it's a longshot any of 'em make it to 18. Mama wants to run away from home, and alas the weekend escape I had planned has been sidelined by the stomach flu. Yeah, because cleaning up vomit is way better than planning a sushi dinner, movies, cocktails, breakfast in bed. ***sigh***
1. If thoust (is that a real word?!) open it, close it. (see also; if you get it out, put it away; if you turned it on, turn it off; if you emptied it, fill it; and if you smelt it, you dealt it.)
2. Do not covet thy mother's goods. Shampoo, chocolate, shoes, etc. This is not a marriage, what's mine is not yours. (however, what's yours is mine... a catch 22 perhaps but that's what happens when you aint' got no job. Also, if it belongs to your brother, sister, school, Target, or baby Jesus hands off)
3. Silence is golden.
4. Thou shalt not roll your eyes at your mother if you do not want them slapped out of your teenaged head.
5. Life is, indeed, NOT FAIR! Get used to it now and please stop reminding me 15 million times a day.
6. Cleanliness is next to Godliness. (aka the pick up the dirty underwear, stinky gym shoes, and dishes out of your room because it literally stinks rule)
7. Honor thy Mother and thy Father. Honor thy Maker (yes, Me again. Cosby wasn't joking when he said "I made you and I can make another one that looks just like you." Of course, I've already made backups so stop pushing me.)
8. Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain. Except for the phrase "sweet blackberry baby Jesus" because that shit is funny.
9. Actually, EVERYONE is really NOT going/doing it/getting one. Just like at a Frat party, No means No. Stop bugging me.
10. I am required by Law and Humanity to provide you with the following: food, shelter, medical attention, and education. All that other shit? Extras baby. Cell phone, computer, iPod, new shoes for every outfit, cash, rides, video games, sports equipment/lessons/training, toys, internet, etc, etc, ETC. EXTRA!!! Be appreciative.
